@vinnycrack: bae is acting so cute and imaginary tonight
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@kelkulus: A friend of mine is allergic to both peanut butter and bees, which he discovered when he bit into the worst sandwich ever.
@TheRealRHB: Whoever first said "No news is good news" never had their cable & Internet go out for two days
@dreamthievin: A small part of me is filled with self-loathing for how much pizza I can eat in one sitting. The rest of me is filled with pizza.