@mrsmith196645: 911: What is your emergency. M: I need to report a home invasion. This woman looks like my mother in law but she's smiling. Please hurry.

@MavenofHonor: [during lull in conversation] maybe people who say the earth is flat are thinking of maps

@Just_Lee_: It took 11 years but hubby can finally read me like a book. A Greek book. Read upside down wearing a blindfold. It's a vast improvement.

@TitansHomer: Me: what are we doing today Trainer: let work on your forearms. Me: but I only have 2 T: What?!? Me: *whispers* I only have 2?

@sammyrhodes: Circle? Donut! Triangle? Pizza! Cylinder? Tater tot! - me teaching our 2yr old shapes