@SamGrittner: Baller is short for ballerina
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@theshantilly: "I'm supes scared & all alone & in my underwear. What's that noise in the basement? I should totes go check it out." - Virgins tonight
@T_Bonezzz_: Approx 4,500yrs ago men would wake up everyday to build the great pyramid. I got up this morning with anxiety about unloading the dishwasher
@BrettDruck: Yelling at a dog to stop barking doesn't work because the dog just goes "Cool, now we're both barking!"
@BuckyIsotope: Nude Descending a Staircase is both my favorite work of art and the most common entry on my criminal records.