@Tuna_Lover: Balls Deep is not a accurate form of measurement.
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@squirrel74wkgn: I'm so angry right now that I could strategically throw my phone at a safe spot on the couch.
@1_swarthy_dude: [1st date] Me: "So, what do you do?" Her: "I'm a Herpetologist." Me: "Great! [pulls pants down] How bad is this?"
@LizHackett: If a bear confronts you in the woods, make it go away by handing it a flyer for your boyfriend's band's show.