@TheBananaFacts: Bananas will never talk shit about you. Not because they don't have mouths....but because they respect the choices you make.
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@Jarhead44: I've always wanted a monkey, so I bought one at auction today. I've had him about an hour now. Anyway..... Monkey for Sale.
@JohnLyonTweets: Don't regret past mistakes. All of your decisions, good and bad, led you to where you are today. Disregard this if you are in prison.
@daemonic3: [candle store] WIFE: Do you have vanilla? "No" WIFE: Apple? "Nope" WIFE: Lavender? "Sorry" ME: Let's go, this guy lacks common scents