@joeljeffrey: Bands who can't afford a smoke machine should hire my girlfriend to cook at their concert
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@thatdutchperson: [blind date] Her: so what do you do for fu.. Me: I'M 34 IF YOU DON'T FALL IN LOVE WITH ME I'M STATISTICALLY UNLIKELY TO EVER FIND A MATE
@ruinedpicnic: [puts scarf on snowman] Girl: to keep u warm Snowman: I am made of snow. G: omg you're alive! S: ok but lets get past that. are you stupid
@girl_a_whirl: You know you're a mover & a shaker when HR rewrites the dress code for you. Whatever Anita, those tear-away pants looked fabulous on me.
@peprally: Has anyone else noticed when time travelers grab you buy your shoulders and ask what year it is and you tell them, they don't reply, "then I'm not too late" anymore? That's kind of worrying.