@joeljeffrey: Bands who can't afford a smoke machine should hire my girlfriend to cook at their concert
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@Los01001111: I'm pretty sure God and Satan are both women, because who else would hold a grudge for that long?
@kellyoxford: "Please add your phone number to secure your acct." Facebook is now the Nigerian Prince.
@OfficeofSteve: Sometimes I lay in bed awake at night thinking, how did Skeletor from He-Man speak perfectly without lips or a tongue