@bobvulfov: BANK ROBBER: ok hands in the air. nobody move. slide to the left. slide to the right. take it back now y'all. one hop this time
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@iwearaonesie: watching the kids play hide and seek in the park and mine just hid behind a chain link fence at least we don't have to save for college
@Brampersandon_: WIFE: I just bought toilet paper. How are we out already? ME: *hiding dog that I wrapped up like a mummy* it's a mystery I guess
@That_Damn_Duck: My cat is walking a very fine line between being cute & being sold to the Korean restaurant down the street.
@UnFitz: For Halloween I'm giving out razor blades with candy in them. These kids'll be shaving away and then BAM - nougat everywhere.