@ajlobster: Banking tips
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@batkaren: I stand at airplane arrival gates with a "SAMANTHA" sign, then cry after everyone's exited until airport security brings me soup. Free soup!
@SarcasticAlly12: When friends or family ask me if I'm going to have another baby, I just gesture at the chaos of my life and yell, "ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?"
@NikiWithIssues: I hit a parked car today so naturally I left a note. It said "Die, Decepticons! Die!"