@Robert_Beau: "Barista" is Italian for BA in liberal arts.
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@Pro_Jones_: Farmer Dad: Having a good party son? Farmer Son: No. The music sucks. FD: Well then- FS: Don't. FD: Lettuce turnip the beet.
@huntigula: [Donald Trump's election speech] "America, I have only 1 thing to say" *pulls off wig & mask revealing Ashton Kutcher* "YOU'VE BEEN PUNK'D"
@CroweJam: My wife's favorite position is the one where I lie very still wearing nothing but a toe tag and she starts dating again.
@KevinFarzad: To everyone with a motorcycle: your motorcycle is very loud & we are all very proud of you.