@shutupmikeginn: barn owls must have been stoked when the barn was invented
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@wilw: I accidentally inhaled some soap when I was washing my face and then I coughed and no bubbles came out. Cartoons are full of shit.
@Amusitr0n: [shady nighttime meeting at the aquarium] AQUARIUM EMPLOYEE: eels are already pretty slippery man ME: shut up and help me butter them
@caliluvgirl77: How old do I look? 9yo: 30 Aww, you deserve ice crea- 9yo: Just like grandma -m but too bad you're not getting any