@klainey01: My 5th grader is one eye roll away from being listed on eBay this morning.
@MUMSIEesq: ME: My husband says you use special traps that put the mice outside to play with their friends
EXTERMINATOR [LOOKS AT HUSBAND]: umm, yeaahh
@tastefactory: "YOU HAVE A CUT ON YOUR FINGER YOU HAVE A CUT ON YOUR FINGER YOU HAVE A CUT ON YOUR FINGER" - salt
@ch000ch: hello 9-1-1? my girlfriend's been kidnapped
"stay calm sir, what's ur girlfriend's name"
oh she goes to another school u wouldn't know her
@thequeensheart: "You're going to have to open your mouth wider than that"
I'm at the dentist you pervs!
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