Funny Tweeter

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@MomofTeen: Barnabas had a lazy eye.

The other, however, was a real go-getter.

Barnabas had a lazy eye. The other, however, was a real go-getter.
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@klainey01: My 5th grader is one eye roll away from being listed on eBay this morning.

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@MUMSIEesq: ME: My husband says you use special traps that put the mice outside to play with their friends EXTERMINATOR [LOOKS AT HUSBAND]: umm, yeaahh

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@tastefactory: "YOU HAVE A CUT ON YOUR FINGER YOU HAVE A CUT ON YOUR FINGER YOU HAVE A CUT ON YOUR FINGER" - salt

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@ch000ch: hello 9-1-1? my girlfriend's been kidnapped "stay calm sir, what's ur girlfriend's name" oh she goes to another school u wouldn't know her

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@thequeensheart: "You're going to have to open your mouth wider than that" I'm at the dentist you pervs!

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