@3sunzzz: Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. ~What is your sin, child? My husband and I are arguing ~That's very common. ...about my boyfriend.

@LMLMadness: Last night I dreamt I laid in bed all day drinking wine, eating chocolate & watching Netflix. Tomorrow I'm making my dreams come true.

@zachreinert03: A lot of people look at Russian roulette as a negative game, but statistically it's actually one of the only games you can't lose twice

@bourgeoisalien: Fun prank: tell your kid World War II ended by the Americans dropping an F-bomb on Japan. Then later when his teacher calls, act shocked.

@JasonLastname: My dentist recommended I sleep with a mouth guard, but I'm skeptical insurance even covers who I sleep with.