@ShockTartBionic: Your baby's got pink eye, bronchitis AND a double ear infection? Are you even trying to keep him alive?

@omgthatspunny: The man who fell into an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.

@Brianhopecomedy: Played twister with my kids and now hold the world record for saying, "That's not your left foot" a billion times.

@Tbone7219: On tonight's episode of Catfish, Cathy finds out she’s been in an online relationship with a pineapple.

@jeffswarens: The wife just walked out of the store with bags and didn't notice me standing here. Maybe I need to put 75% off on my T-shirt