@heartlessX0: Bartender: "Do you want a drink, miss?"nnMe: "What are my choices?"nnBartender: "Yes or No."
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@LMFOFL: If you REALLY need to get laid tonight, put on your oldest or most ridiculous underwear. It works every single time.
@KPsych29: My eyes physically can't roll any higher up into my skull to show you how annoying you are.
@loribuckmajor: Removed my spanx slip and accidentally ricocheted myself into the neighbors backyard.