@heartlessX0: Bartender: "Do you want a drink, miss?"nnMe: "What are my choices?"nnBartender: "Yes or No."
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@joshcomers: Friend from out of town asked if he could crash on my couch. Had to explain to him that I'm married now, so that's where I sleep.
@drinksmcgee: The best part about owning cats is that they’ll eat you when you die and save you the cost of a funeral.