@heartlessX0: Bartender: "Do you want a drink, miss?"nnMe: "What are my choices?"nnBartender: "Yes or No."
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@Pork_Chop_Hair: (my funeral) Spouse, crying: I'll miss you, my love. Your with the angels now. Ghost me, whispering in his ear: *you're S: Oh ffs!
@sixfootcandy: Me: (filling the medicine cabinet with ping pong balls) Him: What are you doing? Me: I invited your family over for dinner tonight.
@daemonic3: Cookies from Best to Worst: 1. Chocolate chip 2. Girl Scout 3. Oreos ... ... 727. Browser 728. Tossed 729. Raisin