@robdelaney: "Bartender, see that brunette at the end of the bar? I'd like you to bring her a slice of your finest ham."
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@duplicitron: Where do I see myself in ten years? I don't know. Let me think. *pictures self riding jet ski made of bones through space*
@MattMcGruff: Officer- I'm giving you a ticket for your speed Me- That's heroin Officer-... Me- Want some? Officer-... Me- Oooh, shiny handcuffs
@GrantTanaka: My wife is gone for the next 3 days, so if any ladies out there want to come over & yell at me to take out the garbage & not have sex, hmu