@SamuelHLowe: "Based on a true story" means it happened more or less like this, but with ugly people.
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@farleftcoast: Sometimes I get really stoned and stare at phone and wonder why I pay so much money for a government tracking device.
@Discourt: Just told my toddler to eat 5 bites of her dinner, to which she replied I was horrible. So I counted the number 3 twice. Biotch.
@BlindChow: GOD: (creates earth) hell yea lizard planet! WINDOWS™: restart planet for important updates GOD: um ok *dinos die, man appears* GOD: wtf