@loribuckmajor: Based on Harrison's choice of best place to land, golfers are the most dispensable.
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@CeCePleasants: Taco Bell is no longer going to be offering kids meals. Probably because kids are rarely drunk enough to want Taco Bell.
@jimmy_boston: Wife: Did you measure for carpet? Me: Yeah, from the window Wife: Don't Me: To the wall Wife: Don't Me: tothesweatdripoffmyballs! *runs*
@JediGigi: I just tried to start my car with my phone. You should know that my car has a keyless ignition. I'm pretty.