@loribuckmajor: Based on Harrison's choice of best place to land, golfers are the most dispensable.
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@cjwerleman: I think the only thing Fox News hasn't yet accused Michael Brown of is stealing Darren Wilson's bullets. #ferguson
@Pro_Jones_: I've been wearing the same clothes for almost 7 years now because a girl wrote "never change" in my middle school year book.
@nbadag: TURTLE: hey, you carry your house around too! HERMIT CRAB: i do. where'd you find yours? T: i was born with it HC: *scoff* ok princess
@neerjagurnani: The best way to refuse a credit card telemarketer is to tell them you're unemployed. Guarantees them hanging up within seconds.