@lisaxy424: Based on how he reacts, you'd think my dog's entire family was killed by pizza delivery guys.
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@velvettusk: My dog is coming home from surgery today and I hope he did ok. He can’t afford another malpractice suit.
@UncleDuke1969: "Make him press 1 again." "Good." "Now, 3 minutes of silence." "He still there?" "Give him 18 minutes of pan flute." - Call Center Training
@causticbob: If you're using public transport never give up your seat to an old lady... That's how I lost my job as a bus driver.
@AndyAsAdjective: "How did your *looks down at notes scribbled on hand* favorite sports team do in their *looks down again* sporting contest today?"