@NervousJr: Based on how many times I've dropped my phone, I'm gonna hold off on the whole baby thing.
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@vladsavov: The most popular car brands are German, Japanese, and Italian. It's like losing WW2 is a prerequisite for making good autos.
@WigCannon: before stairs there'd be someone on the second floor and people would ask "how'd you get up there" and they'd be like "i don't know"
@JanelSantaCruz: "What about flying rats with no poop muscles and scissors for mouths?" - God creating birds
@HairyJew4Life: The doctor just told my girlfriend and I that the baby is coming early. Like father, like son.