@NervousJr: Based on how many times I've dropped my phone, I'm gonna hold off on the whole baby thing.
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@WilliamAder: Shutdown Apocalypse Update: GPS is down. Using a refrigerator magnet as a compass. I think it's just pointing to another refrigerator.
@alispagnola: Target had a credit card breach? But only with in-store purchases, not online? More proof you're better off staying home with no pants on.
@tastefactory: Mr. Webb, what is the greatest threat to national security? "The dinosaurs in Jurassic World, they always seem to get out"
@NotChuckBarkley: Everyone saying "Poor Steve Nash, he got hurt again". POOR? That boy making $9,701,000 this year. If he poor, then I'm skinny.