@astutenewf: Based on how much my bones and joints pop when I work out, I'm pretty sure I'm 80% rice krispies.
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@mean_crow: "Someone's been sleeping in my bed!" said mommy bear. "Who hasn't" muttered daddy bear. "What?! You wanna do this now, in front of the kid!"
@AmishPornStar1: Rumor has it, that if you look up from your phone you can see all kinds of pretty colors in the trees this time of year.
@SaraThomas84: The most dangerous piece of machinery a person can operate while drinking is the telephone
@jeffswarens: After I clear my browser history I do a quick google search for things like "feeding the hungry" and "How to thank a loving wife"