@astutenewf: Based on how much my bones and joints pop when I work out, I'm pretty sure I'm 80% rice krispies.
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@Snarfernini: If you ever say 'I seen' in a sentence. I will never sleep with you. Under any circumstances. Ever.* *including zombie apocalypse
@HomeProbably: What do you call a man who does all the cooking, cleaning and washing without complaint? Single.
@singing_ghosts: [texting in 1918] *pigeon delivers message* *msg reads: I don't love you* *turns to u* why would u send this? "it was 6 days ago. I was mad"