@SuperRandomish: Based on how poorly this burrito was wrapped, I assume it was made by the one person at Taco Bell that has never rolled a blunt.
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@trojansauce: [about to have sex] WIFE: what happened to all the condoms?! [cut to] ME: *making balloon animals at work* [cut back] ME: affair
@minivansandgin: Hear toddler having meltdown at Target Me: Parents should control their kids! Cashier: Isn't she yours? Me: C: I saw her come in with you.
@Rlpihl: Girl are you the burning bush? Cuz you're hot. And there's no conceivable reason you should be talking to me.