@farleftcoast: Based on my calculations I can retire about 5 years after I die.
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@AaronCSU54: My therapist thinks meeting women on twitter for sex is a bad idea. His wife disagrees.
@withanewname: *Jesus sits down at the bar* "The boss says we have to start charging you for water"
@TheBoydP: Someone said I was racist because I misspelled pico de gallo. It’s like they don’t even know I misspell English words also…
@markleggett: My cat's staring at the wall again. Either she can see ghosts, or she's mulling over past social situations she wishes she'd handled better.