@daemonic3: Based on my family's hatred for vegetables and always throwing them in the garbage, I hope I'm never in a coma.
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@MiddleageM: Having a tea party is fun until your daughter tells you that she got the water from the toilet
@drubicabra: Just witnessed a white girl take a selfie with her coffee in Starbucks. I always heard the legends but never thought I'd see it in the wild.
@JohnsonDiaz21: In college I had 3 girlfriends at the same time. 10 years and a wife later, I have 0 girlfriends. Stay in school kids.
@ashmensch: Ambien: Remember the time we picked a fight with Gary's garden gnome, chugged a jar of mayonnaise & passed out naked in Arby's parking lot?