@daemonic3: Based on my family's hatred for vegetables and always throwing them in the garbage, I hope I'm never in a coma.
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@markhoppus: I hooked my fidget spinner up to my vape pen and The Millennials crowned me King of Avocado Toast
@mostunladylike: [Record Shop] Me: Hi, have you got anything by the Doors? Shopkeeper: No, we have to keep all exits clear in case of emergencies.
@abhorrent_wife: Sometimes I'll show my husband the chewed up food in my mouth just so he's reminded of the delicacy and beauty of the flower he chose.