@E_lok44: Based on the amount of animal hair, clinging to your t-shirt, I'm going to pass on your homemade cookies, thank you.
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@OrignalceQueen: *Pops up from the backseat as you're driving* *Duct tapes your neck to the head rest* Now, why are you telling people I'm crazy?!!
@YesImMatt: When people's driving tweets end mid sentence, did the paramedics find their phone and hit send?
@RandySmithWhat: "[I] broke up with him because I was sick of justifying his trench coat to my friends" - Overheard on the bus