@Andee_Stewart: Based on the amount of tools I've dated, you'd think I got a deal at The Home Depot
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@Kyle_Lippert: I'm having one of those days where I feel like the single soggy onion ring that somehow made it into an order of french fries.
@fanofhell: Doctor: what seems to be the problem? Me: I need to be docted Doctor: you came to the right place. I'm a doctor. I doct people
@OhNoSheTwitnt: While it's true that gay marriage doesn't nullify straight marriage, if Beyoncé was born on your birthday it's not your birthday anymore.
@AndrewNadeau0: ME: I have zero interest in owning a parrot. CLERK: This parrot is 80% off. ME: I will take 4 parrots.