@Andee_Stewart: Based on the amount of tools I've dated, you'd think I got a deal at The Home Depot
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@sixfootcandy: Me: I’ll do anything to get healthy this year. Doctor: Are you willing to cut down on sugar, bread, and alcohol? Me: Let’s revisit this again next year.
@GothikRokkit: Facebook asks what I'm thinking. Twitter asks what I'm doing. Google asks where I am. The internet has turned into my girlfriend.
@JermHimselfish: Treat her like she's the only girl on Earth. Nothing makes a woman happier than the thought of every other woman disappearing forever.
@DanteEvilCat: That awkward moment when someone says "stop", and you don't know whether to respond with "collaborate and listen" or "hammer time."