@jnrbtsn: Based on the condition of my hair in the morning, I'd say there's a 100% chance my hair has more fun than I do when I sleep.
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@KittensMittens: Mom: I think I'm gonna make a twitter Me: Mom it costs like $500 a year... Mom: That's expensive I'll stick with Facebook Me: Aww too bad
@jergarl: Not sure why this lady looked so shocked when I whispered, "LIAR!" into her ear after I watched her type "lol". She did NOT lol.
@KevinFarzad: Sometimes u see the moon during the day and it's like, wow, how embarrassing. Showed up early because you were bored? Get a life, nerd moon.
@dril: my disrespectful teen son somehow got hold of a gluten product and now he wants to become a cat girl