@TheAlexNevil: Based on the musicians who thanked him at the Grammys, I gotta say: I'm not crazy for God's taste in music.
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@DannyEarl: Girls say they want a guy who is funny and spontaneous but when I tap on the window at night dressed as a clown it's all panic and screaming
@pattymo: AMERICAN SNIPER is, without a doubt, the most violent entry in the AMERICAN PIE series
@Xoolun: When I was on the plane the stewardess asked, do you need some headphones?I said, Hell Yeah, but how did you know my name was Phones?
@drinksmcgee: I made my wife sign a prenup because there was no way that I was going to let her take half of my Golden Girls Memorabilia collection.