@slackerjorge: Based on the number of AVI pics taken in your cars, I'm guessing that quite a few of you girls are on the run
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@XplodingUnicorn: My 1-year-old refused to wear her shoes and carried them around instead. She can barely walk and she's already the drunk girl at the party.
@brokeymcpoverty: reasons white people riot: 1. their sports team wins 2. their sports team loses 3. no more tickle me elmos 4. tea 5. pumpkins
@DestineyLynn: *Closes refrigerator door and hears contents inside fall* Well... sounds like a problem for the next person.
@TheBoydP: Pro tip: No matter how much you hate wrapping, never ask your wife to wrap her own Christmas presents.