@ReginaldDennys: Based on the number of nurses on twitter, I now know why I'm bleeding to death in the ER.
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@anbrll00: Dr: Your Mom is like regular moms except we lost her in surgery. Me: Did you just use a joke format to tell me my mom died Dr: yep
@BrandonEsWolf: The flight attendant keeps saying "Please stop asking for peanuts. Busses don't have flight attendants."