@ReginaldDennys: Based on the number of nurses on twitter, I now know why I'm bleeding to death in the ER.
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@laurenreeves: My friend showed me her new vegan pants. I know vegans can be annoying and everything, but should we really be making pants out of them?
@cervixsmash: Blood is thicker than water but maple syrup is thicker than blood so technically pancakes are more important than family
@cambuslad: Today Mother phoned asked me what I was doing . I said I was on Google maps and looking at her house .She asked if I could see her waving .