@CrackYouWhip: Based on the rate of sagging pants, it is predicted that by 2017, people will just pull their pants behind them with a rope.
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@vikkaroni: My nose won't stop running. But, to be fair, it's the only part of my body that's still in shape.
@envydatropic: Surround yourself with people who will groom your eyebrows should you ever become comatose
@ericsshadow: If she calls me lazy again, I swear I'll get off this couch and go take a nap in bed.
@Dani_Feld: When a relative asks me what I'm doing with my life, I tell more lies than a guy at a computer whose wife just asked him what he's doing.