@closetoclassy: Based on the things my kid will and won't eat, my cooking is apparently worse than a stale Fruit Loop covered in dog hair.
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@TheTweetOfGod: When Adam and Eve ate the apple I remember thinking, "Well, that's a sin, but at least it's original."
@OhNoSheTwitnt: "Welcome to the jungle" Thanks. "We've got fun and games" Cool. "You're in the jungle" We've established this "You're gonna die!" Wait what?
@_NTFG_: DOCTOR: Are you sexually active? ME: Depends on what you mean by active. There are plenty of active volcanos that haven't gone off in years
@JohnLyonTweets: Screw you, targeted Facebook ad for adult diapers! *thinks about not having to pause TV or games* *orders some*