@kumailn: Batman based his superhero off what terrified him most. If I followed the same logic my superhero would be ListeningToVoicemailsMan.
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@TheDinky: If a mugger ever asks me to draw an uppercase cursive Q or he'll shoot, tell my family I died a hero... #hero #cootertales
@iamnotdiddy: The most embarrassing thing about mistaking pilates class for pirates class is concealing my musket.
@itsa_talia: one time a friend asked me "how are you still single?!" and the list of reasons is still compiling in my head