@Molly_Kats: Batman Begins Scrapbooking #AddaWordRuinaMovie
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@LackOfShame: The funniest thing about being sober is someday finding out that you were the mayor of Toronto.
@LaziestCanine: First date: [ok, don't let her know you're a t-rex] Her: I absolutely love it when guys open the car door for me Me: Shit.
@jordanrubin: "We stopped making the style of jeans that fit you perfectly right after you bought your first pair." -Every store ever