@SufficientCharm: My man wants me to understand him better so I'm not getting my mustache waxed this month.

@mrtruthandsoul: I just lifted a couch to retrieve a Skittle that fell underneath it, so I get you Moms that lift cars to rescue children, I get you.

@WowItsStephen: "I shot the sheriff but I did not shoot the deputy" is my favorite lyric about murdering law enforcement officials in moderation.

@stockejock: Misery loves company, and apparently that's why my parents invite me over every Thanksgiving weekend.

@007Pepe_Rex: A guy gets hit on the head by a falling soda can. But he's allright. Guess he was lucky *puts on sunglasses* It was a soft drink #FFFC