@xLiserx: *Batman happily approaches Batmobile*
Wife: Forget it, Bruce! We have two car seats & need to go to Costco.
*Defeatedly gets in Batvan*
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@heymonroe: That moment of panic when you accidentally swipe left on Bae while getting food off your phone.
@SocialExtortion: YOU KNOW WHAT MAYBE I DO WAN'T TO MEET HOT SINGLES IN MY AREA
@jonnysun: WHITE GIRL: im not a dog person, im not a cat person, im a people person ME: (whispering to my dog) i think that means she owns slaves
@aplethoras: me: why do i feel terrible brain: coffee is not a food group brain: eat a vegetable brain: sleep me: guess we'll never know brain: oh my god
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