@noog: *Batman receives electric bill for Bat Signal*
"ALFRED WE'RE GETTING IPHONES."
@TheMichaelRock: HR wants me to give myself a self evaluation. This will be the first and last time they make this mistake.
@TheToddWilliams: *Michael Cera stubs his toe on a cotton ball*
@Be___Dope: Me: Sometimes I don't get Jo's tweets.
Marta: Maybe you're not high enough?
Me: * climbs tree
@hunz74: My 10 year old: "If nothing is faster than the speed of light, how did the darkness get there first."
@Rollmaninoz: In Australia, 7 spiders eat you in your sleep every year.