@noog: *Batman receives electric bill for Bat Signal*
"ALFRED WE'RE GETTING IPHONES."
@NOTVIKING: [at restaurant]
date: can you get us a table?
me: [struggling] they’re bolted down
@AimeeHelene1: *wears reindeer antlers*
*steals your wallet*
@AtticusFinch79: Kurt Cobain: come as you are, as you were, as I want you to be
Me: in a duck costume
Kurt Cobain: not like that
@noogscorner: Good Friday. No. Stop, I said no. NO. BAD FRIDAY. BAD.
@TheAlexP: Whenever I hear "let me tell you the truth", I secretly cross my fingers, hoping they say "brownies are healthy, eat as many as you want."