@noog: *Batman receives electric bill for Bat Signal*
"ALFRED WE'RE GETTING IPHONES."
@itsa_talia: my cat sounds so cute when he sneezes but i really wish he'd stop wasting the coke. it's like goddamn amateur hour with him.
@dvoted_hubsand: I cant use facebook cuz everyone making popular comment I wish I thought of first, like "thank God it Friday!" or "Im pregnant of baby"
@VodkaThursday: Kid wants to sit at table, isn't tall enough
Me: WHERE ARE ALL THE PHONEBOOKS?!
Him: U threw them out saying, who the hell uses phone books?
@davedittell: LIFE HACK: when at a restaurant with a long wait, resort to cannibalism
@naughtywriter2: I get about your body being a temple but... right now I wanna turn mine into a bouncy castle, it sounds more like fun. I'm all about fun.