@GrumpyComments: Batman walks into a Wayne Enterprise meeting and starts talking stocks. He realises he forgot to change. He drops a gas pellet and runs out.
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@Underchilde: Dear Abby, I saw a questionable mole on this girl I like. How do I tell her without letting her know I hid a camera in her shower?
@Matt_The_1st: "Dad, these glasses make everything look much bigger!" *Snatches glass and hands to my wife
@CanadianCyn: The garbage man is late. I think he's been cheating on me with some other piece of trash.
@Sean_Burgundy_: Loan shark: If you're late my guys will ... Me: Tell my gf my phone password? LS: Break every bone in your body M: Oh. Yeah that's fine