@GrumpyComments: Batman walks into a Wayne Enterprise meeting and starts talking stocks. He realises he forgot to change. He drops a gas pellet and runs out.
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@GoddessTitty: Going to get a facial today... this guy on Craigslist is offering a way lower price than the salon!
@NicestHippo: [doctor gets job as 911 operator] "What's your emergency?" MY HOUSE IS ON FIRE "Hmm ok let's wait a few weeks and see how it is then"
@davidkenny100: Pal: on your date, don't let her think you get jealous on date Date: the steak please Me: So you know, I'm cool with you talking to that guy