@TheMichaelRock: Batman would probably be a better crime-fighter if he wasn't making movies all the time.
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@david8hughes: The plumber came to fix the toilet & said, "Where is the water main?" so I turned on the tap & said, "Right here, main."
@faizziy: Me: What's your strongest weakness? Candidate: ... *Realises stupid question & thinks of cover up M: It's a trick question. You're hired!
@RexHuppke: Just once I want to see a new parent post a baby photo on Facebook with the words: "Still not sure if we like it, tbh."
@WildeThingy: Video Games made me do it. Rock n' Roll made me do it. Witches made me do it. Satan made me do it. - a short history of responsibility