@TheMichaelRock: Batman would probably be a better crime-fighter if he wasn't making movies all the time.
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@EJGomez: dating tip #4: when meeting her brother for the 1st time make sure when he goes for the handshake u kiss him on the lips to assert dominance
@Beardson: There is a small dent on the side of this plane. It must have a... *Puts on sunglasses* "Airline fracture"
@1Bad_Scientist: *at Thanksgiving dinner* Me: One of you is eating poison green bean casserole. Everyone: *gasp* Me: Just kidding you all are.
@TheBlessMess: Dear Coworker, If I'm nodding my head & smiling at everything you've said, this means I'm fantasizing about getting banged by David Beckham.