@robcorddry: Batman's an example of a guy who took his parents double homicide and made lemonade
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@NoogsCorner: Superwife! Gets pissed faster than a speeding bullet. More powerful than your longest friendships. Leaps your decisions in a single bound.
@Tmoney68: BREAKING: California becomes first state to ban plastic bags. People who love picking up dog shit with their bare hands rejoice.
@Fickle_Filly: A starfish has five arms. An anablep has four eyes. An octopus has three hearts. And you've got two faces.
@SarahFemme: The quickest way to find out the time is to order a beer at breakfast with your mother.