@robcorddry: Batman's an example of a guy who took his parents double homicide and made lemonade
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@AmishPornStar1: Best part about marriage? NO MORE CONDOMS!!! Worst part about marriage? No more sex.
@Reverend_Scott: Elmo: Oscar, why are you a grouch? Oscar: Growing up, my parents were- *stabs Elmo with broken beer bottle* CUZ I LIVE IN A TRASHCAN.
@stevevsninjas: Machine uprising? Ha! What can they do? Toaster gonna burn my bagel? Vending machine gonna steal my money? Like they do now... Holy shit.