@CYComedy: Batman's Bat Signal was really banking on the fact that crimes only happened at night.
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@Boourns83: Turns out hanging out in sewers eating pizza and practicing karate will not make me an honorary ninja turtle.. Now I just smell like shit
@Donna_McCoy: Shout out to whoever scheduled Valentine's candy to show up just as we're all giving up on New Year resolutions.
@Token_Geezer: *sees baby* *feels sad that my kids aren't babies anymore* *sees look of exhausted despair in baby's parents eyes* *sadness evaporates*
@dlockw21: In my experience, people who say "I'm not trying to be difficult," don't really seem to be trying all that hard.