@trevso_electric: Be a deer and get shot in the woods for me?
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@Fred_Delicious: Bruce Willis is being chased by a pug. he jumps in a taxi and escapes. he breathes a sigh of relief. the driver turns around. it's the pug
@michaelajeffery: Watched a guy buy several single bananas at various stages of ripeness (instead of a bunch). Realized I was in the presence of genius.
@iwearaonesie: wife's facebook post: so proud of 8, he's trying so hard in school! mama loves you! wife's text to me: he failed gym. gym!! i need a drink