@Jandalize: Be back in a few days. Gotta shave my legs for spring. But, before I go, what's the best way to sharpen hedge trimmers?
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@beckyiniowa: If the head of CIA can't even hide his own affair it's pretty safe to say there were no aliens at Roswell and we really went to the moon.
@samfromks: My wife and I have been dieting together for a week so it'd probably be safer for me to come home smelling like perfume than a Snickers bar.
@NATxHAN: Me: Santa, why are women so scary? Santa: dude come on, I make $8.50 an hour, get off me.
@Amburglar_: "Ok J Lo, we have a movie for you." "Is the male lead obsessed with me?" "Yes." "I'll do it."