@Instinctivetip: [marriage counselling] Her: he always thinks he's talking to me on CB radio Me: I don't, over Her: It's over Me: It's what? Over

@ClassOf20l6: why do parents get mad when u sleep all day like im staying out of trouble and im not spending your money like what is the issue here

@rablivingstone: People in the UK eat more bananas than monkeys. In 2014 they ate 73,432,384 bananas and only 6 monkeys.

@SteevUmc: My fortune cookie just says Hahahaha. Is that good?

@Lerky: Me: Hey Mr. DJ, do you take requests? Dj: Yes. M: Excellent, can you turn it down a bit.