@mashyboo: be careful if you wear the same clothes everyday you'll turn into a cartoon character
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@batkaren: Cop: And how would you describe the assailant? Me: I guess I'd start with hair, eye, and skin color. Probably height and weight next...
@Heather2Go: Ironman is my favorite story about how sleep deprivation can make you a sarcastic, neurotic superhero without being a parent.
@JeffSarcastic: *sends epic tweet* [no likes 3 hours later] *waits 2 weeks, sends again* [no likes 1 day later] *starts typing* NSA: dude, let it go
@werehedgehog: *yawns so wide a bird flies into mouth* *closes mouth* *looks around to see if anyone noticed* *swallows bird* *acts like nothing happened*