@mashyboo: be careful if you wear the same clothes everyday you'll turn into a cartoon character
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@XplodingUnicorn: Me: Why can't we feed the animals? Wife: They'll get lazy and dependent and never, ever go away. Me: *looks warily at our kids*
@tarashoe: a proper response to girl calling "amy?" in ladies bathroom wouldve been silence. but instead i yelled YOU WON'T FIND YOUR PRECIOUS AMY HERE
@mactx85: I just now realized the guy at the urinal that complemented my watch might not have actually just been looking at my watch.
@SortaBad: Pilot: Hi folks, I thought it'd be nice to speak to you out here instead of over the intercom. Unrelated, is anyone on board a locksmith?