@PineapplePtart: Be careful, newbies. Twitter changes you. I used to be Puerto Rican, now I'm Irish.
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@AnkCoupleTO: [being stared at by a bunch of guys as I bathe in an airport washroom] can someone get my back please?
@JermHimselfish: Of course this milk is fresh, I just saw it breakdancing in the back of the refrigerator.
@CoolCamel69: *pulls out stack of pancakes and completely stuffs mouth during interview* Nexft queffstun pleeazse "Umm. Your biggest weakness?" Panfccakes