@causticbob: Be careful when online dating, if someone describes themselves as outdoorsy, they might just be homeless.
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@cravin4: Boss: Stop putting fake teeth marks in the urinal cakes. You're freaking out the customers. Me: Fake?
@illuminatedwndr: hey people that post selfies on Instagram and caption it 'No Filter', go with a filter next time. serious
@causticbob: Kissing the back of someone's neck is a sensuous thing to do. Unless it's a stranger in a queue in Primark.
@nayele18: Meant to tell my daughter "Good night, I love you," but it came out as "Thank god you go back to school on Tuesday because this is bullshit"