@Super_Cynthia: Be nice to a nerd. Prevent a supervillain.
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@Ristolable: I never made it as a firefighter. I thought arsonists were people who hated arson, so every time we met one I thanked him for his support
@EndhooS: [morgue] mum: [crying over my bullet ridden body] how did this happen cop: the robber yelled "everyone be cool" so he tried to do a kickflip
@TheMichaelRock: CW: I spent all weekend raking leaves. Me: I don't rake. CW: Leaves will kill your grass! Me: I wonder how grass survived before humans.