@recoveringbapti: Be on the lookout for a armed psychic midget who just robbed a bank and got away....the police now have a SMALL MEDIUM at LARGE!! ba dum dum
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@TheAlexNevil: We've all got that one family member who's an embarrassment and this restraining order suggests my family's settled on me.
@stephenjmolloy: Newsreader: "And now Tom with the weather." Weatherman: "It's Tim, actually." Newsreader: "Sorry. And now Tom with the tim."
@Mr_Bum_to_You: I hate it when I mentally undress a woman and my OCD kicks in and I start folding her clothes.