@recoveringbapti: Be on the lookout for a armed psychic midget who just robbed a bank and got away....the police now have a SMALL MEDIUM at LARGE!! ba dum dum
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@Pro_Jones_: (Court) Judge: You're on trial for excessive use of astronomy puns. How do you plead? Defendant: *leans in until lips are on mic* No comet.
@Reverend_Scott: dog 911: what's ur emergency? dog: I JUST ATE CHOCOLATE dog 911: OMG WAS IT GOOD? dog: [whimpering] dog 911: ok ok. go eat some grass
@AIMMadellynne: Last night,my friend changed all my contacts in my phone.I've been texted by Batman Donatello,Hermione Granger.I have no idea who they are.