Be safe this weekend, otherwise your dumb friends will end up telling some local news reporter how you were always the "life of the party."

@gavinpivott: I was in a flash mob once. We'd mainly just hold people at gunpoint until they updated their Adobe.

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@RobElliottComic: That show Scrubs is bullshit. Not one person in this hospital joined in my song and dance number.

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@DanMentos: "Hey girl wanna go out Saturday night?" No thanks I have a previous engagement "I'm cool with that, hell I've been married like 6 times"

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@o__0Dev: Diet tip: your pants will never get too tight if you don’t wear any.

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@pabstdriver: I can usually tell how productive I've been at work, by the battery life of my phone.

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