@JennyJohnsonHi5: Be safe this weekend, otherwise your dumb friends will end up telling some local news reporter how you were always the "life of the party."
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@kfoagkfoag: I can only listen to Russian classical music after drinking creamy tea too fast. The chai cough's key
@KeetPotato: [interview with girl at dating agency] i get shy around pretty girls [girl smiles brushing hair from her face] "are you shy now" not really
@juliussharpe: I'll vote for whichever presidential candidate promises to end the banter before two people announce who won an Emmy.