Be safe this weekend, otherwise your dumb friends will end up telling some local news reporter how you were always the "life of the party."

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@JennyJohnsonHi5: Be safe this weekend, otherwise your dumb friends will end up telling some local news reporter how you were always the "life of the party."

Be safe this weekend, otherwise your dumb friends will end up telling some local news reporter how you were always the “life of the party.”

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@kfoagkfoag: I can only listen to Russian classical music after drinking creamy tea too fast. The chai cough's key

@NicestHippo: An issue that will unite all Americans

@KeetPotato: [interview with girl at dating agency] i get shy around pretty girls [girl smiles brushing hair from her face] "are you shy now" not really

@juliussharpe: I'll vote for whichever presidential candidate promises to end the banter before two people announce who won an Emmy.

@kristinb5150: the only thing getting in the way of my diet is food

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