@SexySpainNights: "Be strong" I whisper to my coffee.
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@Ygrene: [Being murdered] (with every stab, i move my body so that the murderer strikes acupuncture points which, to his dismay, makes me feel great)
@MaryKoCo: If ur late to an appt, just tell them u had another one, but were on time to that one. That way they associate you with punctuality
@stephenjmolloy: Security: Animals aren't allowed in this art gallery, sir. Me: It's my guide dog. Dog: Picasso, born 25/10/1881, was a Spanish painter...
@TheFearBoners: When God closes a door, He opens a window. God does not give a shit about your electric bill.