@SmithWit: Be thankful for Twitter. The way gas prices are headed, we're never going to meet real people ever again.
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@uccjeb: Just saw 666 on a license plate and, in case you guys were wondering, Satan drives a Jeep.
@stuckinaportal: god: welcome to heaven, bob. today we reunite you with your soulmate bob: karen! god: karen? your soulmate is a japanese farmer named oshi